Are you ready to talk about something that can be really heavy? Take a deep breath, pour yourself a cup of your favorite something, and let’s talk about what to do when your husband isn’t the spiritual leader you thought he would be.

It's incredibly frustrating when your husband isn't the spiritual leader you envision. Perhaps he's not as involved in church as you'd like, or maybe he struggles with consistent prayer and Bible study. You desire a deeper spiritual connection within your marriage, but it feels like you're carrying the weight alone.

Let's explore some steps to navigate this challenging situation.

Understanding the Challenge

It's essential to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. Yearning for a spiritually aligned partner is natural. This is especially true if you believe in traditional roles of marriage where the husband is often seen as leader of the home.

However, remember that your husband is an individual on his own spiritual journey. Trying to force him into a mold will likely create resentment and distance.

Open and Honest Communication

Create a safe space for open and honest conversations. Share your feelings and desires without blaming or accusing. Use "I" statements to express your needs and expectations. For example, "I feel lonely in my spiritual walk because I crave a deeper connection with you."

It’s important to remember that you are on the same team. It may feel like you’re in opposition during these difficult conversations so remind your spouse that you’re on his side.

Pray Together and Individually

Prayer is a powerful tool for couples. Consider starting a daily or weekly prayer time together. Additionally, spend personal time in prayer, seeking God's guidance and strength.

Support and Encourage

Instead of criticizing, focus on supporting your husband's spiritual growth. Celebrate small steps and offer encouragement. Suggest attending a couples' retreat or small group together.

Whichever step you choose, it’s okay to start small. Morning devotions. Prayer time with your kids. Listening to worship music together.

Stepping Back to Let Him Lead

Are you ready to hear some hard truth? Sometimes, the very act of striving for a spiritually led husband can inadvertently hinder his ability to step into that role. When we, as wives, take on the majority of the spiritual responsibilities - planning devotions, leading prayer, or driving the spiritual direction of the family - it can unintentionally create a dynamic where our husbands feel less empowered to lead.

It's important to remember that leadership is a muscle that grows with exercise. By consciously stepping back and giving him space to initiate, we create an environment where he can flourish. This might mean allowing him to lead family devotions (even if you think you could do a better job), or asking for his input on a spiritual battle you’ve been facing. It’s about creating opportunities for him to take the lead and trusting that he will grow into the role.

Remember, it’s not about perfection but progress. Small steps in the right direction can lead to significant changes over time.

Seek Professional Help

If communication breakdowns happen more often than not, consider seeking guidance from a counselor or pastor. They can provide tools and strategies for navigating these challenges. (Here’s a post for finding a good Christian counselor!)

Your Own Spiritual Growth

While it's important to support your husband's spiritual journey, don't neglect your own. Continue to grow in your faith and find fulfillment in your relationship with God.

Remember, change takes time. Be patient, persistent, and prayerful. Ultimately, your husband's spiritual growth is in God's hands. Trust in His timing and work.

If you're looking for more resources, grab my free guide on nurturing your mental health as a Christian woman. Grab it here! And for daily encouragement and tips, follow along on Instagram @WonderChristianCounseling.

(P.S. If you're in Texas and seeking therapy, I offer free consultations - check it out here!)

While I am a licensed therapist, this post is for informational purposes only and may not be suitable for your specific situation. It should not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here are not intended to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, or diagnosis. Always consult with your physician or a medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.

What to Do When Your Husband Isn't the Spiritual Leader You Want