Do you know one of the fastest ways to resentment, burnout and overwhelm? A complete absence of healthy boundaries.

”Boundaries” has become a popular term to use but even before it was trending, boundaries were one of the main things therapists taught their clients to use for better emotional and mental health. Boundaries can be our secret weapon against negative situations and experiences that destroy our peace and health.

What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are essentially invisible lines that mark what you allow in and what you allow out. They show others what kind of behavior is acceptable and what isn't. They're not meant to shut everyone out, but rather to create a safe space where you all can thrive.

Why Boundaries are Essential for Your Well-being

Reduced Stress: Constant demands and negativity can take a toll. Healthy boundaries prevent overload, allowing you to focus on what truly matters and say no to things that drain your energy. This sense of control reduces stress hormones, leading to better physical and mental health.
Improved Emotional Health: Boundaries protect you from negativity and disrespect. When you don't allow others to walk all over you, you feel more confident and self-assured. This reduces the risk of anxiety or depression.
Stronger Relationships: Boundaries can actually strengthen your connections with others. By clearly communicating your needs, you attract people who respect you and your time. This fosters healthier, more genuine relationships. And we all want that!
Prioritized Health: Boundaries allow you to prioritize your well-being. Saying no to things that drain you frees up time and energy for activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. This self-care is essential for maintaining good physical and emotional health AND for taking care of the family, home, and responsibilities that rely on you so heavily.

Imagine your life as a journey …

Who gets to travel with you? Supportive people who respect your needs and vice versa.
What fuels your journey? Self-care, reduced stress, and increased self-respect. Self-care keeps you energized, boundaries minimize stress, and setting them shows you value yourself.

But not everyone deserves a smooth ride on your journey, right?

Unfortunately, we live in a world where honoring each other’s boundaries doesn’t always happen. (Okay, a lot of times).

The types of boundaries you need depends on the ones causing you harm:

The energy drainers: People who constantly complain or gossip, leaving you feeling depleted.
Boundary Example: If someone starts negativity spiraling, you can say, "I hear you're frustrated, but negativity is draining for me. Let's talk about something else" and gently steer the conversation.
The disrespect brigade: People who interrupt you or treat you poorly.
Boundary Example: If someone interrupts, politely but firmly say, "Excuse me, but I wasn't finished speaking."
The takers: People who expect more than you can give.
Boundary Example: Be clear about your limitations. It's okay to say, "I'd love to help, but I'm already stretched thin right now." You can offer an alternative solution if possible.

Did You Know There Are Some Examples of Boundaries in the Bible?

The Bible itself doesn't directly talk about "boundaries" in the modern sense, but there are several stories and verses that illustrate principles similar to setting healthy boundaries. Here are a couple of examples:

Jesus Setting Boundaries:
- In Mark 6:5-6 (NIV), Jesus visits his hometown and attempts to teach the people. However, "He could not do any miracles there except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. He was amazed at their lack of faith." Here, Jesus encounters a situation where his presence isn't receptive, and he chooses to move on rather than force his message. This shows discernment and setting boundaries for where his time is best spent.
- In another instance, in Matthew 10:14 (NLT), Jesus instructs his disciples, "If any household or town refuses to welcome you or listen to your message, shake its dust from your feet as you leave." Again, this highlights the importance of not forcing yourself on unreceptive audiences and protecting your own well-being.
Allowing Space for Restoration:
- In 1 Kings 19, the prophet Elijah experiences burnout and wants to give up. God appears to him in a cave, but not in a powerful storm or earthquake. Instead, God comes in "a gentle whisper” and provides nourishment and rest. This act was a beautiful example of God seeing Elijah's emotional state and acknowledging his need for rest and refreshment.

The Concept of Sabbath: The concept of taking a day of rest each week (Exodus 20:8-11) can be seen as a form of setting boundaries between work and personal time.
Boundaries in Relationships: Throughout the Bible, there are examples of setting healthy boundaries in relationships. For instance, Paul often advises the church to avoid associating with those who engage in chronic sin, those who gossip, those who are angry, etc. This shows the importance of protecting yourself from negative influences.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries:

Know your limits: What stresses you out? How much social interaction can you handle?
Communicate clearly: Be assertive and kind when expressing your needs.
Say no unapologetically: It's a complete sentence, and you don't need to explain yourself!
Respect others' boundaries: Just like you deserve your space, so do others.

Boundaries aren't selfish; they're about creating a balanced life where you can focus on the things that truly matter.

If you live in Texas and love the idea of having someone help you talk through the boundaries you need, I offer free consultations - check it out here! Or, if you crave daily encouragement and tips, follow along on Instagram @WonderChristianCounseling.

And, if you're looking for more resources, grab my free guide on nurturing your mental health as a Christian woman. Grab it here!

While I’m a licensed therapist, this post is for informational purposes only and may not be suitable for your specific situation. It should not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here are not intended to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, or diagnosis. Always consult with your physician or a medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.

How to Set Boundaries